Vroom!

I was at the BLM in Carson City yesterday when a "concerned citizen" came in to voice a complaint about a proposed wind farm in the scenic and booming metropolis of Moundhouse. Seems this woman is worried that windmills near her property will affect her quality of life. Alternative energy be damned - what could be more important than her unadulterated enjoyment of the tranquil Moundhouse landscape?

She pointed out that she is already inconvenienced by the presence of the V & T Railroad. Please note that the V & T Railroad was built in 1869 and likely predates her ownership of the property. Also, it's defunct - there hasn't been a train on the V & T grade in this area since 1938. They are trying to reconstruct it as a tourist railroad like the one in Durango, Colorado, but that may or may not ever happen.

You may be wondering what this woman does with her property that would be so adversely affected by a windfarm. A butterfly garden? Piano lessons for underprivileged children? Or perhaps she's retired and living out the rest of her days in peace and quiet.

No, she has a motorcycle racetrack. A MOTORCYCLE RACETRACK. I'm sure her neighbors will agree that it is the windmills and not the constant noise and dust of dirt track motorcycle racing that will really bring the area down.

An Open Letter to Vera Wang

[In case you don't know, Vera Wang is a famous fancy designer who now has a cheap line of clothes available for purchase by us common foiks at Kohl's.]

Dear Ms. Wang,
Fuck you, you fucking whore. Also fuck your line of ugly shapeless "clothes" poorly made by blind children working as slave labor in third world countries. I know that as poor people we don't deserve to dress well and look nice like you important rich people, but your horrid garments are too much to take. From cheap clingy (in the bad way) fabrics to tentlike baggy shirts to tiny, tiny trousers, your clothing line is a crime against humanity. I know you didn't really want to waste your good designs on regular humans, but the moral choice would have been to say "no" rather than inflict these ridiculous rags on an unsuspecting public.

J thinks people suck, too

Oh boy! Today we have a guest blog from my friend J in England, who is also tired of stupid people reproducing and then forcing us to deal with the results of their proliferous-ness.

J says...

A lady entered a store with one of those doublewide strollers to fit two children. She walked around the store for a bit and then came to a part of the aisle that was partially blocked by a display. This did not take up enough of the aisle that a normal person was unable to pass, nor even a person with a normal stroller. But this doublewide stroller was a bit too expansive to fit. After she wrestled with it, she finally moved the display (which was on wheels anyway), and complained out loud about how it shouldn't be there because it made the aisle too small.

HEY LADY! Maybe if you'd learned your lesson the FIRST time and not gotten knocked up again so soon after the first child was born, you wouldn't find yourself in a situation where you're having to push around this monstrosity! Maybe it's not that the aisle is too small, but that you are too much of a SLUT. Put a cork in it, or maybe a condom, at least until the elder child no longer needs a stroller.

I think you've just trod upon one of my Constitutional rights

I have two words for the jackasses who organized the Americana bluegrass music festival at Wingfield Park last weekend.

BEER TENT

Hey, I know. Let's have a summer evening music festival in downtown Reno and not have any beer. That would be awesome! People will love to sit in the grass listening to music and not drinking beer. It will be idyllic.

Where's a bowl of antifreeze when you need it?

To the grandpa who thought it was so cute when his little granddaughter ran around Trader Joe's screaming at the top of her lungs for over 15 minutes:

NOT CUTE AT ALL. As a matter of fact, it was really fucking annoying. It made me want to punch you in the mouth, except you had an artificial leg so then I would have felt a little guilty. Probably like my friend Mary when she rammed the green work truck (thereafter referred to as "Denty Moore") into this old guy who had to walk using not one but two canes.

It's a toilet, not rocket science

I was in the restroom at Craters of the Moon National Monument today when a lady came out of the stall backwards and confused-looking. "It won't flush!" she exclaimed to her friends, and then gave me a shrug like, "What's a lady to do?" Mind you, she didn't actually TRY to flush the toilet, she just stared at it all wide-eyed as if that might do the trick.

I'll tell you what you should do, you dumb broad. FLUSH THE GODDAMN TOILET.

I can see how she would be confused, though, seeing as how there wasn't a giant sign on the toilet saying "Push button to flush toilet." OH WAIT, THERE WAS.

I hate kids

I saw two high school boys in my neighborhood shooting a bird's nest with BB guns the other day. I would be all for the BB gun shooting of any number of living creatures in my neighborhood: Chihuahuas, unsupervised children, etc. But to senselessly destroy the home and possibly the offspring of some poor little bird? What the hell?

For the record, I also totally support the mauling of those two assholes at the San Fran zoo who teased the tiger.